Humor > The Newcomer's Guide to Martial Arts Talk


3 Aug 2006

When people say ...

They really mean ...

My Martial Art is better than Your Martial Art. I don't know anything about your martial art..
Martial Arts prepares you for the street. I've never used martial arts on the street.
The martial arts are about striving to achieve a black belt. The martial arts are about money.
Chinese martial arts are the best! I practice a Chinese martial art.
High kicks are stupid. I can't do high kicks.
Tournaments are extremely important. I'm good at fighting and I win trophies.
The martial arts are about building character. You'll never be any good, but keep coming anyways.
Korean martial arts are the best. I practice a Korean martial art.
Board breaking techniques are not important. I couldn't break out of a paper bag.
I don't believe in colored belts. I learned in the backyard and nobody ever promoted me.
The martial arts are about building better people. Like me.
Grappling arts are the best. I practice a grappling art.
Sophisticated arts like Tai Chi and Aikido are far superior. Fighting frightens me.
He's a good martial arts teacher. He's in my organization.
He's a lousy martial arts teacher. I don't know anything about him.
My style is the best. I don't know anything about any other styles.
Promotions are not important. There's a grading coming up and it's important.
Throwing techniques are less important than grappling. I can't throw anyone and I'm tired of trying.
I'm an innovative, modern Western martial arts teacher, doing my own non-classical thing. I'm more interested in teaching than learning, and Asians ignore me because they know how ignorant I am.
Martial arts politics are the necessary result of official recognition by respectable associations to protect the public. I'm an officer in a large organization.
I hate martial arts politics. None of the large organizations recognize me or have the slightest interest in my existence.
In this system, we adapt the technique to fit the person. Do it the way I said to.
Competitions are a waste of time. I've never won any competitions.
Forms or kata are the highest expression of the inner essence of the martial arts. I read that somewhere -- and I've had enough of tournaments.
Kata or forms are useless. Bruce Lee said forms are useless.
One style is not better than another -- it's the individual that counts. Please don't go to another school.
Practice makes perfect. Please sign up again.
He doesn't deserve his rank. I didn't get promoted as fast as him.
Size and strength are not important. I'm bigger and stronger than average.
Science and leverage will always win out over brute force. I'm bigger and stronger than average.
The purpose of the martial arts is spiritual development and liberation from the ego. I'm so humble and wise, it's terrific.

"No brain, no gain."



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